Sound of Silence

After almost six months, I've returned to break the silence. I'm no longer living in Seoul, and have in fact relocated to California. The state of sunshine, minimal rain, gorgeous tree lined mountains, and constantly congested free ways. I'm pretty sure road rage had its glorious creation on those freeways many years ago. But those road ways lead to secluded mountains, fresh air, and sandy beaches, so its an even trade off. Is this where I thought I'd be after Korea? No, it wasn't even a place I ever thought about. After a few weeks of crashing on my sister's couch I just never left. I'm thankful she offered me her couch, and then a newly vacant room in her apartment, because living in Nevada just wasn't working out for me. I'm sure Las Vegas is the city of opportunity for lots of people, but I wasn't one of them. I became, well...shadowy. Shadowy is the best way to describe it. My moods were shadowing, and everything seemed bleak. My bed was my best friend, the day light was my enemy, and showers/feeding myself were unimportant. I wasn't able to appreciate what I had, or see potential in the future. Things are getting better, slowing but surely. I'm finding ways to not just tolerate, but actually enjoy, my desk job. My cubical walls don't feel like they're closing in on me anymore.

I've had my fair amounts of losses and gains in the past six to nine months. I've lost two grandfathers, a well paying job in a foreign country, more "friends" than I can count (the quotes are there because in retrospect not all of them were really friends), my first apartment without roommates, among other minor things. The hardest loss was, without a doubt, my grandfathers. Neither were in good health by the end, but that kind of loss is something you can never fully prepare yourself for. The hardest loss to accept (because it blindsided me) was the loss of my best friend. (loss, not death) Not necessarily because we no longer see each other, but because of the way it ended. I was lucky enough to have had my best friend and my boyfriend be one in the same, and for that I'll always be grateful.

And now that the depressing loss chatter is over, I can move on to the gains. Including, but not limited to, a charming new town with vintage clothing stores, cafes, and restaurants all within walking distance of my apartment. My apartment (and the pool/hot tub/fitness room in the court yard) Awesome! A new job, new friends, new car, new life, new opportunities. I'm starting a new chapter, and confident that the climax of the book of my life has not yet happened. Everything that happened before was merely the prelude to a page turning story.

That said I know very few people actually read my blog (as the stats clearly show), and therefore I've gotten in the habit of writing more for myself than geared towards an audience. To an outsider reading this it probably reads like whining and broken up thoughts. Writing this is a way for me to think and focus. So yes, sorry but I write to myself sometimes. Sorry, but not really.
Good night!